11-11-08

Today sucks even though nothing bad happened. I'm in the bad habit of not getting anything done lately because I'm so focused on moving.

I've been trying to avoid Blake's phone calls all day and yesterday, and it worked until I gave in. I hate break-ups. I feel like I'm an alcoholic going without alcohol. I can't stand what I'm doing when I'm with him, yet when I am without him I crave him so much that I fool myself into believing that I need him.

So during the conversation I told him it would be best if he did not call any more because we both need to move on. He is so frustrating because he has this way of making me feel like I am just stupid and have no idea what I am talking about - like I just landed on this earth from outer space. He kept telling me that I'm wrong from doing this to him and that I just need to "stop being scared" and be with him.

What a moron. Who knows? Maybe he will get it someday, but until then...I'm gone.

I wrote down a list of personal goals for myself today:
- I want to be happy without feeling empty.
- I want to be okay with being single.
- I want to be closer to God.
- I want to be closer to my family.
- I want to be able to go days without talking to Blake.
- I want to live for me and not for some guy.