![Catherine in the sky with diamonds. =]](http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_BkYMtGvQQhc/SPz3j6cqUTI/AAAAAAAAAAg/UBUz7NgubP8/S1600-R/catherine+blog+header-1.bmp)
Have I been blind
Have I been lost
Inside myself and
My own mind
Hypnotized
Mesmerized
By what my eyes have seen?
Have I been lost
Inside myself and
My own mind
Hypnotized
Mesmerized
By what my eyes have seen?
Interesting. I love Natalie Merchant. But. More than I love Natalie Merchant, I love words. Words are hitting me deeply today.
So, I got my acceptance letter from Ole Miss. Being "accepted" still has not phased me yet. Why would anyone want me? I know I'm worth it, but at the same time I also have a string of reasons of why I'm not. Weird, huh? Imagine being accepted to something...or even by someone. No matter how much I want the acceptance I still cannot fathom it. Acceptance is too good to be true in my world. Is it in yours?
Today was good...well, as good as it was going to get. The highlight of my day was my letter from Ole Miss. I woke up feeling nauseous this morning...that's nothing new. I went to class as usual. I came home, and checked my mail to find what I have been expecting for days. I was not surprised...at all. Why? Why does my "Acceptance" still feel like a dream? So, much later on...I went to group. I was bored - horribly. I did not want to be there. My life is not even consumed in my eating disorder right now, or lately for that matter (knock on wood), so why should I go somewhere for an hour and a half and be reminded of the torture I allowed my eating disorder to convince me to put myself through? That's like jumping of a cliff when you know you're going probably going to die. Maybe.
So, I went. I was bored. It's over with now.
:)
So, I got my acceptance letter from Ole Miss. Being "accepted" still has not phased me yet. Why would anyone want me? I know I'm worth it, but at the same time I also have a string of reasons of why I'm not. Weird, huh? Imagine being accepted to something...or even by someone. No matter how much I want the acceptance I still cannot fathom it. Acceptance is too good to be true in my world. Is it in yours?
Today was good...well, as good as it was going to get. The highlight of my day was my letter from Ole Miss. I woke up feeling nauseous this morning...that's nothing new. I went to class as usual. I came home, and checked my mail to find what I have been expecting for days. I was not surprised...at all. Why? Why does my "Acceptance" still feel like a dream? So, much later on...I went to group. I was bored - horribly. I did not want to be there. My life is not even consumed in my eating disorder right now, or lately for that matter (knock on wood), so why should I go somewhere for an hour and a half and be reminded of the torture I allowed my eating disorder to convince me to put myself through? That's like jumping of a cliff when you know you're going probably going to die. Maybe.
So, I went. I was bored. It's over with now.
:)
2 comments:
Yay for your acceptance to Ole Miss! :) & your right you are worth it!
"acceptance" is a big deal, and something I struggle with too. I wouldventure to say that it is something everyone struggles with, on some level.
Congratulations on Ole Miss, I know your Mommy dearest will be happy to have you closer to home. It's been a while.
--- Can't wait to see you this weekend!
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